In my first post I shared about conceiving irish twins after years of infertility. This story is not just one of two people who tried hard to have a child and then did. There’s little romance in that. What makes our story romantic is the faithfulness and goodness of God–not just in our pregnancy, but in everything He did before. It’s an epic only He could write. To share this part of my story, I will have to go back to 2012.
Saved by Grace
That was the year God saved me. He gave me faith in His Gospel and I accepted Christ as my savior. Before 2012, I was, like we all have been at some point in our lives, an enemy of God and dead in my sin. I loved my sin. I worshiped myself. Besides murder, I feel like I probably lived out every sin you could think of: pride, selfishness, jealousy, envy, hatred, anger, lust, promiscuity, homosexuality, debauchery, drug abuse, theft, deception, manipulation, exploitation–and this is not an exhaustive list. I did not think twice about God, who I was created to believe in and belong to. I barely thought twice about other people.
Steadfast Love
I have heard many sermons about God’s patient, trustworthy, good and faithful nature. In my years as a growing Christian from 2012 to 2021, I thought I knew how faithful and good God is. Once I had my son, I got to experience those wonderful things about Him in a new, real, and powerful way. I didn’t just know about His goodness and faithfulness anymore; I had experienced it for myself. As I was rocking my son to sleep one night, I realized just what God had been doing with me throughout my life, and I was completely humbled by His grace and mercy. I don’t know if I can adequately express my gratitude and love for how God has loved me, not because of myself, but in spite of myself. Even during my years of rebellion against God, He was pouring out His steadfast love on me the entire time.
Transformed Heart
I should have become an addict single mother, raising a child out of wedlock, alone, with no education nor career. I should have contracted some illness and have to live in the shame of my consequences. I should have been left to die in my sin. I certainly deserved any terrible consequence that could come from my abundance of sinful ways. The last thing I deserved was for Jesus to have died on my behalf to cover my guilt, give me the free gift of reconciliation with God and everlasting life, then transform my heart and mind and continue to give me blessings of a life more abundant.
Supernatural Gift
Instead, God had protected me all those years. There were consequences I had to face, to be sure, but God kept me from calamity, from anything that would destroy me or hurt my family for generations. In his amazing grace, He allowed me to become His child. He let me marry a Godly man who would love me and our children as Christ calls him to. And then, in a safe, healthy, and Christ-centered marriage and life, He allowed us to bring children into this world. So, no, it is not an ordinary or mediocre thing to conceive and bear children. Motherhood is a supernatural and miraculous work alongside the creator of the universe. He stitches our children together in our wombs. He knows their days, every one of them, before we ever meet them.
Broken Chains
Motherhood is knowing and experiencing love unlike anything else in the world, a foretaste of the love our heavenly Father has for us. It is being made new all over again as you see your own shortcomings while you try to teach the little ones in your care. It is sanctifying, always molding us into more Christ-like people, ones who are more selfless, patient, gentle, kind, forgiving, tender, and repentant than we were before. It is the best gift God could give us outside of salvation and marriage. This is what God did for me. He redeemed me, breaking the chains of dysfunction and addiction in my family, and then gave me the blessing of being a mother.
Love,
Kori Wolf
Charles Wolf, Kori Wolf, Jeremiah (1), Isabella (2 months)
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