Every year around this time there are a plethora of articles and memes that aim to remind moms specifically to “slow down” and not to get “too busy” during the holiday season. Generally, the main message is that we don’t want to over book ourselves, stress out, become grumpy and short with our families. We want to be able to just have this almost magical quiet picturesque “time” in which, somehow, the world has stopped swirling at it’s dizzying pace because we’ve simplified, taken events off our calendars, purged, and down-sized. If we are truly lucky there is a cozy couch, soft blanket, crackling fire, cup of hot chocolate or coffee to sip, a book, devotional time or old movie playing… and quiet; just peace and quiet.
Short Time of the Year
Though I think we can all agree that there are some great reasons and science to back up the benefits of these suggestions on how to “slow down”. Biblical wisdom to be judicious with our time and energy. Most of us also understand that we cannot always live in a bubble world. It might not always be best to tell our children “no” to nearly every event, party, service, gathering and activities or traditions associated with this short time of the year.
Unique Families and Traditions
What happens, though, when we feel “mom guilt” for “doing too much” or “not enough” with and for our kids, our families, ourselves, our church, community and our Lord? How can we be both overly busy and still be expected to hold so much together like the social glue that women often are? Isn’t it a double standard? Well yes… and no, ha, ha! Of course we need to use discernment and good judgement. At least a little planning (or a lot – you know who you are). But what may be missing is that we cannot hold one candle up to another to compare. We are each unique women with unique families with their own needs, traditions, resources and varying communities.
Image of Motherhood Stories
Allow me to give you some fictitious illustrations. Let’s use some Christmas story names for fun, shall we? “Mary” has one little boy. She has carefully prepared fun crafts and activities for her son. Her calendar is quite balanced with “just enough” fun, spiritual, social activities for the month of December. He is SUCH a “good” little boy, follows directions so well! It’s almost “perfect”. Let’s call another character “Myrrhiah”, who has 3 young daughters, ages 5, 7, and 9. They are a great age to be baking. She has everything she needs to make cookies on a planned time and date. They have matching Christmas dresses grandmother gave them and they sing so sweetly in the choir together. Though I’m sure these mamas have had their bumps in the road. They are doing a marvelous job right where they are. They tend to be the “image” in which “the rest of us” are told we ought to “fit”.
Seasons of Motherhood Stories
What about “Elizabeth”? Her little boys is… a little “wild”, as an understatement. She’s an older mom and doesn’t have a lot of energy. Her husband was a little under the weather lately so she’s had more on her plate. Rambunctious “Johnny” has some special needs, and taking him anywhere is a challenge. She longs to do more but knows it’s just not possible (without burnout). She feels a different type of burnout that we call “missing out”. Pours hours and hours into enriching her child’s development and it’s bearing fruit. It’s not something the rest of the world really sees. It’s lonely in some ways but she knows she is doing it as unto the Lord. Lastly, there’s “Holly”. She’s got 5 kids and they are quite the handful. They vary in age and have different events they are participating in, different friend circles they run in. Holly is one very busy mama! She plans what she can. She is also flexible by necessity to find the fun in the impromptu snowball fight, the “one more” story, the hand-me-down Christmas outfits, the meal-stretching. Each of these characters has their own unique situations. I can relate to each character from different years and seasons of my motherhood.
Which are Worth the Cost?
Once upon a time I hand-sewed and crocheted my three little children’s toys for Christmas. I hand-made matching headbands and bows for my two girls. We’ve had seasons of plenty and scarcity, sickness and health. With neurotypical needs and special needs in the mix that have had to be worked with and around. There were many years driving my kids to rehearsals to be in musical plays. It was a little hectic and exhausting. Yet seeing them memorizing lines and sing songs, wear costumes and make memories with dear friends was so rewarding. It was worth it all. Twice we had a baby days before Christmas. Of course being THAT pregnant in December and then days post-partum on Christmas definitely changed some plans those years! But we wouldn’t trade our two “Christmas babies” for anything! Another year we had just adopted our son from Ukraine two months before Christmas. We needed to adjust to his needs. That is really what we are deciding, isn’t it? “With this little bit of time we have and with the energy and health and provisions, current situations and opportunities given – which are worth the cost?”
Living for Christ
What happens when it ALL seems “worth it”… but we are only human, or cannot afford it, cannot be in two places at once? Well, then, we must make difficult decisions. Learning from our mistakes and regrets as part of gaining the kind of wisdom that is built over a lifetime. Practicing saying “no” and “yes”. Brushing OFF that false guilt, telling us that we are not doing “all the things” we “should be” doing. Pushing through the hustle and bustle and difficulty to DO those things that bring the rewards and that are life-giving, feet-to-faith sacrificing, loving with all we have. Spending some on-our-knees in prayer time especially if we are going through the fire. Having some in-the-Word time to grow and be reminded of Who we are living our lives to glorify. Our identity is in Christ (daughters of The Most High King, ladies!).
Showing Gods Love
This year during the Christmas season I would like to encourage you to assess the season you are in. Do you have a new baby or very young children? Do you have very social teens that love the activities? Think about not only what you can handle, but about what you will one day look back on and be so glad you chose. Be selective. Don’t try to do “everything”. This isn’t to say that there will not be some “crazy-busy” times… that is life with kids sometimes! Try to find moments you can have some rest and respite, especially if you have had a full schedule. Whatever you are choosing to do just know that God has a way, when we offer him what little we have, of multiplying it. He was born of a woman, reliant on his mother as a helpless baby. Even if you are just cuddling your baby this Christmas, you’re nurturing and showing God’s love to your child! That is “enough”.
The Significance of it all
If you’re pushing hard because you enjoy getting out of the house, being with people and doing things. That is great! Do it! If you end up holding buckets for your sick kids. Feeling a bit relieved that you had to cancel everything for awhile… that is okay! It’s life! It’s a mess and it’s awful and wonderful at the same time. We are saying goodbye with broken hearts to loved ones departing this world. Welcoming in the new generations as our hearts burst with joy. Starting new traditions and keeping our favorites. Learning new recipes and teaching grandma’s. Soaking in the bedtime stories and cookies and Christmas carols as well as the calm and the quiet. Savoring the sweet encouragement and fellowship of friends. We hear about a star that showed brightly, a so-called “Silent Night” (I do think baby Jesus cried). Teaching the significance of it all in a simplified form for our children to grasp as well as they can and carry it in their hearts.
Thank God for the Blessings
So, hurry up and slow down. Adjust your schedule for what God is doing in your life, your family, with your kids and situation. Give him the gifts you have, the brokenness you feel, the imperfection, the grief, the joy – all of it. Walk confidently into this season knowing that He is the giver of rest and peace. If you are feeling weary it may help to find a practical way to slow things down. Having more relaxing moments. We can also take those micro-minutes to breathe deeply, thank God for the blessings, ask for His help with the issues, pace ourselves, and be selective of what we commit to. Oh, and if you can snuggle on the couch with a blanket and sneak in a movie or a good book, do it!
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