In this second part of my postpartum journey, I want to share honestly about my experience with a free birth—what I hoped for, what actually happened, and what I’ve learned through it. I’ll talk about the expectations I carried, the role of environment and support, and how doing things differently affected my outcome. More than anything, this is a reflection on humility, preparation, and learning to listen to both your body and your needs in the moment.
The Desire for a Different Birth
I’ve always loved pregnancy. The way I feel, the hormones, the connection—it’s something I truly enjoy. But labor has never been my favorite part. This time, going into my tenth birth, I found myself searching for something different. I had this idea of a pain-free, even “orgasmic” birth, and I spent time learning, preparing, and studying how others experienced it. While I still believe peaceful and less painful births are possible, I’ve come to understand that no two births are ever the same. What works beautifully for one woman may not translate the same way for another, especially when your body has already gone through birth many times.
The Importance of Environment
One thing I still deeply believe is how important your environment is during labor. For me, my home has always been my place of peace. It’s where I feel safe, calm, and able to relax. While some women feel that way in a hospital, I personally never have. Creating a space that feels like a nest—quiet, warm, and undisturbed—matters. That part of my preparation felt right, and I would choose that again. But environment alone isn’t everything.
Movement, Rest, and Timing
I’ve learned that movement during labor is helpful—but so is rest. Early labor can be a time to walk, stay upright, and keep things moving. But if labor begins at night, rest is just as important. This time, I realize I didn’t balance that as well as I could have. Labor is unpredictable, and conserving energy matters. Especially after multiple births, things can move faster, and being rested can make a difference in how you handle active labor.
When Preparation Becomes Pressure
One of the biggest lessons for me was realizing that too much focus on doing things “the right way” can actually take you out of the moment. I had taken courses, watched videos, and studied different techniques. But when contractions intensified, instead of tuning into my body, I kept thinking I needed to change positions, adjust, or follow something I had learned from someone else. That created stress. I felt like if I had done everything correctly, it shouldn’t feel this way. Instead of trusting my body, I was chasing an outcome.
Losing My Rhythm
With my previous births, I had found a rhythm—especially with breathing the baby down and allowing my body to do the work. But this time, I broke that rhythm. I moved constantly, second-guessed myself, and by the time it came to pushing, I was exhausted and frustrated. Instead of allowing the baby to descend naturally, I pushed hard. It was different from how I had learned to trust my body before. And while many women do push actively, for me, it went against what had worked in the past. I expected something better, but instead, it felt harder.
The Missing Support
One of the most honest realizations I’ve had is that I tried to do it alone. I had this mindset of “I am woman, I can do this myself,” and while there’s strength in that, there’s also wisdom in allowing support. I didn’t clearly communicate what I needed to my husband, and because I kept changing things, he didn’t know how to help. There is something incredibly valuable about having a birth attendant, midwife, or even a well-prepared partner who can observe, guide, and gently redirect when needed. Someone who can say, “Relax your jaw,” or “Stay here for a moment,” or simply bring calm when your mind begins to spiral.
Free Birth vs. Guided Support
Having had a nearly solo experience with my ninth birth, I thought I understood what it would be like. And in many ways, I did. But this time was different—not because I couldn’t do it, but because I approached it differently. Free birth can be beautiful, but it doesn’t mean doing everything alone or without support. There is a balance between trusting yourself and inviting wise, grounded help into the space. I see now that having someone present who understands birth deeply could have helped me stay centered.
Listening to My Body Instead
What I would do differently is simple, but powerful: I would listen more closely to my body instead of trying to recreate someone else’s experience. I would prepare, yes—but then let go of the expectation that it has to look a certain way. I would rest when needed, stay grounded in what has worked for me before, and communicate clearly with those supporting me. Birth is not something we control—it’s something we move through.
This experience humbled me in the best way. It reminded me that even after ten pregnancies, I am still learning, still growing, still refining. Free birth taught me about strength, but also about the importance of support, communication, and surrender. And most of all, it taught me that every birth has something to teach us—if we’re willing to listen.
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