Parenting young adults is an entirely different season of life. It’s a time when the relationship with your children evolves, transitioning from a more authoritative role into one of mentorship and friendship. In this blog post, I’ll share my personal experience in navigating this delicate balance, focusing on communication, discipleship, and the importance of keeping faith at the center of our relationships as our children grow.
The Evolving Role of a Parent
As a mother of 10, I’ve been parenting for what feels like a lifetime, but I’m only now entering the phase of raising young adults. My oldest is 19, and this season is different from any other. I’m learning that while my role as a mom is still very much intact, it’s evolving into more of a friendship. That said, friendship with our grown children doesn’t mean we stop being mentors. In fact, our mentorship is often even more crucial at this stage. If we’ve established strong communication and trust, our children may still want and need us to speak into their lives.
The Importance of Open Communication
The key to this phase, just as when they were young, is communication. One of the biggest changes I’m experiencing is learning to give my young adult children space while still being present. It’s important for me to continue encouraging them in their God-given gifts and abilities, while also challenging them when necessary. I find that asking open-ended questions like, “How can I pray for you?” or “What’s on your heart?” opens the door for deeper conversations. It allows them to share their struggles and desires without feeling like they’re being lectured.
Discipleship Over Discipline
One of the shifts I’m seeing is moving from discipline to discipleship. When they were younger, discipline (and redirecting) was a major part of parenting. Now, it’s more about walking alongside them as they make their own decisions. This doesn’t mean there aren’t hard conversations or that we shouldn’t address concerns—quite the opposite. It’s important to create an environment where we can talk openly, sharing not just our expectations but also our own struggles, failures, and the grace God gives us.
Fostering Relationships Through Quality Time
In the midst of raising babies, toddlers, and young children, it can be difficult to carve out time for your older kids. But taking them to the market, grabbing a cup of coffee, or simply inviting them into your space when you’re nursing the baby is so important. These small acts show them that you love them, you’re present, and you’re interested in what they’re going through. It’s not always about long, deep conversations. Sometimes, just being together and sharing moments can foster the connection they need to feel supported.
Learning from My Own Experience
As I think back on my relationship with my own mother, I remember noticing her weaknesses, but also knowing she loved Jesus and wanted the best for me. That relationship has influenced how I parent. I want my children to know that I’m here for them, not as a perfect mom, but as someone who’s real, who loves them, and who is willing to ask for forgiveness when I mess up. They don’t need me to be flawless; they need me to be authentic, someone they can rely on in their struggles and joys.
The Role of Faith in Parenting
Faith plays such a central role in how I parent my young adults. I want my children to know they can come to me, not just because I’m their mother, but because I’m seeking God’s wisdom for them and with them. During a particularly challenging time—after my last postpartum hospitalization—my children had to step up and take on adult roles. It wasn’t easy for any of us, but we relied on one another, and I relied on God to get us through it. That experience taught me the importance of being vulnerable with my children and allowing them to pray for me, too.
Avoiding Miscommunication and Grudges
As parents, we need to be mindful of how miscommunication or unspoken expectations can lead to misunderstandings or grudges. If we don’t talk openly with our young adults, it can create a rift. It’s crucial to listen to their concerns, apologize when necessary, and explain our decisions. We’re all learning, and sometimes that means admitting when we’ve fallen short and making amends.
The Joy of Watching Them Grow
Motherhood, at every stage, comes with its challenges, but there’s so much reward in watching our children grow into the people God has created them to be. Whether they are still under our roof or starting to make their way in the world, it’s an honor to be part of their journey. I’m grateful that I don’t have to do this alone. My husband and I work together as a team to mentor and support our children, and I pray that each of them knows they have two cheerleaders in their corner.
Parenting young adults is both a new challenge and a beautiful continuation of the motherhood journey. It’s a time of transitioning from discipline to discipleship, where open communication and faith are more important than ever. As we walk alongside our children in this new phase, we must strive to be real, offer grace, and remain present, trusting God to guide us all. Motherhood may not always be easy, but with a .
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