Dear mother,
As a pilots wife, you’ve had to raise your children alone for stretches at a time. I know you are grateful for a job that has provided for your growing family over the years. I also have seen the burdens you have carried and am proud of the way you have asked God for wisdom and strength.
I want to address the pain and feelings of abandonment. You have learned to replace them with prayer and contentment. I remember the days you would stay so busy sometimes you would barely speak to your husband when he was away. Listening and sharing your day with him went a long way to closing the distance between the two of you , it gave you a time to work through your thoughts about your day and gave you someone to pray with and process what to focus on the next day.
I remember how you could not wait for your husband‘s return only to feel like you wanted to ignore him or slight him when he walked in the door. Feelings of abandonment would come over you as self-pity crept up over relief and Thanksgiving of his safe return. The guilt that would come over you would often send you to tears and you had to sneak away while he played with the children to check your emotions and pray to your father in heaven.
I saw how you began to meet him at the gate or pick him up from the airport in order to reconnect emotionally and have time to talk before the children met with Dad. This also was a great improvement and helped fill dad into the happenings at home. This didn’t always solve the feelings that would overtake you at times, although it created a great distraction to re-order your emotions and discontent.
The day God showed you what you were really dealing with was the day that forever changed your relationship with God, your husband and I. Motherhood benefited greatly from this new woman. I believe it went something like this: You were frustrated that you would entertain feelings of abandonment even though you knew he was providing for the family, you cried out to God one day to truly take away these negative feelings toward your husband and replace them with love and Thanksgiving.
You Asked, He Answered
You asked, and he answered, you were brought to a portion of scripture to describe the state of your heart. You were brought to the romantic letter of song of Solomon, chapter 2, verse 15, the speaker says “catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” You saw a vineyard, a fruitful and beautiful place where there is peace and love a place you met with the lover of your soul and like the speaker in your verse, you were asked to catch the foxes.
You knew these foxes that destroyed your peace and place with your lover was jealousy. You thought about the times when you were jealous over the time he spent away in a hotel while you had sleepless nights with the baby. When you had to muster the strength to make a meal for you and the children while he was at a fancy restaurant.
You were often jealous over his time, even though he was lonely and longing to be home with you and the children. His consistent reminder of his love, longing to be home, and his refusal to go out to visit all the sites of a new place showed you how empty it felt to him without the chance to share it with you. This made you feel loved and wanted. Jealousy was never something you would have admitted to as you talked yourself into your very important role of wife and mother.
You knew it in theory, but you let your heart feel jealousy. These were the foxes and the problem with these foxes were that you would often feed them or rather release them in your vineyard, only to work super hard catching them before your husband would come home. Even catching a few while he was still entering the door and excited to be home to his family.
It was great that you caught these little foxes, but instead of getting rid of them, you would put them in cages until your husband left again. Your Vineyard was slowly being ruined, and never as pristine and lovely as it could be. So the day God showed you this verse He also asked you to uncage those critters and get rid of them never to allow them to ruin your vineyard again.
Oh the freedom I saw come over you. Motherhood was loved in a whole new way. You saw me not as the enemy to your freedom, or the drag to your day, but the new goal to make me great and better than I have ever been. Listening to God‘s word to truly get rid of jealousy strengthened your home life. I have seen what this has done for you over the last few years, you traded your catch and release pattern to tending a truly beautiful garden.
Do foxes ever try to come and sneak in, of course, but you know now your job to keep and tend this beautiful garden relationship with God takes actively removing any foxes of fear, jealousy, anger, disappointment, expectations, discontent, or depression from your vineyard. Looking at truth, asking for wisdom, loving others, and welcoming God‘s love, kindness, and gentleness has often created barriers foxes have not been able to penetrate.
As your husband goes on more trips this holiday season, enjoy the peaceful vineyard you have created for you and the Lord of heaven, your creator and friend. Catch those foxes for him. Your marriage and family will benefit from the work and time you have taken to make a beautiful home and family life. Thank you for seeing me as I am, a series of opportunities to grow in wisdom and knowledge. Fulfilling the beautiful role of motherhood gives your family the opportunity to be all they can be. Manage well, rest, and slow down as needed. Choose best over tolerable and walk humbly with your God.
Love,
Motherhood
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